Walz Goes Traditional – Celebrates Thanksgiving with Native Americans in Fully Open Casino Restaurant

The Governor’s office released Walz’ Thanksgiving day schedule. After a morning jog/walk around the Governor’s Mansion, and 7 burpees (Schedule 8 am – 10:45 am), Walz plans on heading to Mystic Lake Casino to celebrate a traditional Thanksgiving celebration with Native Americans from the Shakopee Mdewakaton Sioux Community.

Walz’ recent executive order closed bars and restaurants across the state of Minnesota, forcing Minnesotans to celebrate their heavy drinking and stage four meat coma in their own residences. The order also requires Walz’ subjects to only be with members from their household. Schools across the state are moving to distance learning where kids receive 1/8th the educational experience under normal conditions.

“The Governor wants to celebrate a traditional Thanksgiving with my native people” stated Lt Governor Peggy Flannagan. “We’ll be live-streaming the dinner because we feel this is an opportunity to enhance the educational experience of our children who are missing out on their annual Thanksgiving plays.”

When questioned why Mystic Lake Casino was chosen, a staff member exclaimed “it’s the only place where COVID doesn’t spread”. According to Dept of Health Commissioner Jan Malcolm, Casino restaurants have “magical healing droplets in the air that stops the spread of COVID. Therefore, the Governor is committed to keeping them open while the rest of Minnesota is closed.”